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Quick note before I start this. This is meant to be written for fun, and not for seriousness. I hope you like/enjoy the way I write, and how I write it. I'm going to be editing the post as I add onto the story, but I'll bump the topic each time I do so you'll know when I add more.
Thanks for taking your time to read this! (I guess c: )
(Title changed 2:14pm cst 2/9/17)
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“So are you gay or?” Abby asks me as we walk out to our bus.
“No. I’m not gay, I’m a female, and I like guys.” I say back.
“But you’re a boy who wants to be a girl, right?” she continues.
“Yes... but how does that make me gay?” I say while stopping, and looking straight into her eyes.
“Because you’re still a boy, you just act like a girl, right?” I get a questioning look from her.
“I’m a female, not a male. I’m not even gay. Even though I’m mostly into girls, I really like boys also. It’s not that hard to understand Abby,” I explain to her.
______ 3 years ago ______
Today we’re working on things at school about “puberty” and how it works.
“So, will I grow like that super soon Mr. Jones?” I ask my teacher with a confused expression on my face.
“Why yes Gabe, you’ll grow like this, and your voice will get deeper as you grow older, you’ll even grow hair in weird places,” He smiles at me and looks back at his book.
“But what if I don’t want to grow like that, or get a deep voice?” I ask him concernedly.
“Why not Gabe?” He looks up, and closes his book without marking his spot.
“Because I don’t feel like I should grow up like a boy, I want to grow up like a girl,” I say from my heart.
“Oh Gabe, it doesn’t work like that. Boys have boy hormones, and girls have girl hormones, you can’t just choose which one you want,” He chuckles and waves me off.
I return to my seat and think for a while, and then the bell rings and it’s time to go home.
--------
“Why do I get the hate here Gabriel? I’m trying to understand” Abby shrugs, as we both get off at our stop.
“It’s Gabrielle, and also you seem ignorant from my perspective. If you have questions, please just ask,” I respond as we’re walking down the street towards our homes.
“Okay, so why do you feel this way about yourself?” She gives me that glare she usually gives when she’s actually interested.
“I feel this way because it’s who I am. I don’t want to be someone I’m not.”
“That makes sense. So do you want me to call you a girl, and call you Gabrielle?” She smiles at me.
“Yeah! That’d be really nice of you to do.” I smile back.
“Gabrielle it is.” She hugs me, almost knocking me over onto the sidewalk.
---
“Mom I’m home!” I yell as I close the door behind me.
“Gabrielle, come here!” I hear across the house.
“Coming!”
I open her office door slowly, peering in.
“What’s up?” I say as I enter.
“Well, your grades are way better then they were last semester, is there a reason why?” Mom turns to me from her desk.
“Well, I’m becoming way less stressed, and more comfortable with life this semester, I guess that might be why,” I say as I search my thoughts.
“Is this because you came out as trans?” She’s starting to interrogate me.
“Sort of, it made me become less of someone I’m not, and more of someone I am.” I crack a little smile.
“Well if it makes you happy, and do better with your mental health, and school, It’s a-ok in my book,” She smiles and gets up to hug me.
“Is that your sister’s old skirt?” Mom notices my outfit.
“Yea, why?”
“It looks super cute on you,” She smiles.
“Thanks!” We hug and I go back to my room.
I hop on my computer and pull up Discord, and message my friend Jonah.
“Hey,” I pm him.
“Sup nerd?” I get in response.
“Nothing much, just got home and got interrogated by my mom, also one of my ‘close’ friends decided that she should be a total ass about me being me.”
“That fucking sucks Gab, I wish people weren’t such fucking jerks.”
He calls me Gab, that’s my name for him he says. I’m okay with it.
“So when do you wanna come over?” I ask.
“How about saturday?” He messages me after a little bit of typing.
“I’m down.” I type back quickly in response.
We continue our conversation for hours, it’s finally midnight when I shut off my monitor and go to bed. I take off my clothes and put on shorts and a shirt, and crawl in bed. I grab my book “Almost Perfect” off my nightstand and begin to read from where I left off.
--
“But Sage, how could you lie like this to me? I thought you were actually a girl!”
“I am, but not in the way a real girl is.”
I get so mad I slap her, him, it. I run off towards my car and drive away.
--
I continue reading for about half an hour and then I mark my spot, and attempt to fall asleep.
I wake up at 5am to a text from Abby, I groan and unlock my phone, checking the message.
“Did you sleep?”
I quickly text her back.
“Yes… I’m guessing you didn’t??” I throw my phone on the bed, just quick enough before I hear another buzz. I pick up my phone.
“Ha, no. Couldn’t sleep. Was researching stuff on transgender people.”
My eyes widen, Did she actually or is she messing with me? Knowing her, probably not messing with me.
“What’d you learn?” I add a few thinking emojis to the end of the text.
“A whole lot. I learned what ‘transgender’ means, what it means to ‘transition’, a ton of stuff.”
Considering it’s 5am, I have school in two hours.
“Sounds like a lot then. Come over real quick, I’ll unlock the back door.”
I get up and sneak through the house, I unlock the back door and wait. I see Abby walk up the side of the house. She comes in,
“How was the walk?” I smirk.
“Well considering I just walked through your horrible lawn, I’d say it could’ve gone better” She giggles, I love it when she giggles. It’s so cute.
“So it seems the internet has granted you knowledge. Would you like to share your wisdom o’ wise one?” I say, imitating a monk’s voice.
“Well, let’s start here.” She pulls out paper that smells freshly printed.
“You’re fucking kidding me,” I pull the paper from her hand and gasp a little bit.
“15 PAGES???” I’m half attempting to not cry, half trying to not laugh my butt off.”
“What? Did I do too much research?”
“Naaah, you did fine.” I hug her, almost crying of joy. We scramble off to my room.
We arrive inside my room and flop on my bed. Abby begins reading stuff to me as I lay staring at the ceiling. Before I know it she’s looking at me wondering if I’m even listening.
“I’m listening, I’m listening”
“Okay, just making sure.”
She finishes reading about half an hour later. It explained gender dysphoria, transitioning, hormone replacement, and all the above associated with being transgender.
“That was informative,” I giggle.
“Yeah, it was.” Abby looks at me, and stands up. She walks over to my closet, open it, and starts looking through it.
“Ooh, you have some cute stuff. Why don’t you ever wear it?” Abby looks back at me with a confused glare.
“I don’t feel like I could pull most of it off, I guess.”
“Here, let me show you how you could easily wear this stuff,” She pulls out a lace dress from the rack. I get up and come a few feet from where she’s standing. Abby pulls off her shorts and shirt.
I look away slightly because I know I shouldn’t be looking, but I kind of want to.
“Look if you want, I don’t care. I’m not getting totally nude.” She says to me.
“If you say so,” I turn back around and stare at her. She’s so beautiful, I could stare at her all day.
She unzips the dress and pulls it on her. I help her zip it up.
“See? It looks super cute on me.” She giggles and she twirls in front of the mirror.
“It really does. You should wear that today” I gleam.
“Ooh, should I wear flats or heels?”
“Definitely heels.”
“Do you have any?” She asks with an interested expression on her face.
“I do, actually. What size are you?”
“I’m a size 9.” She sits on the bed.
“Good, I’m also a size 9.”
I open my dresser and grab a pair of 3’ black heels from the drawer.
“Try these on,” I hand them to her.
Abby puts them on, and then straps them.
“These feel great!” Abby gets up and walks around in them.
“How about it?” I say.
“I’ll take em,” She hugs me
“So when do we get to the part about how it’d look on me?” I ask wryly.
“Well here, put this blue dress on,” Abby says as she pulls out a solid blue dress from the rack.
“I forgot that I had that one,” I say to myself.
I put it on, and I realize I haven’t shaved in a week.
“Look at those legs!” I hear her say behind me.
“Oh come on, I forgot…”
Abby laughs a bit and pulls out black tights from my dresser, and hands them to me.
“Wear these,” She says winking.
I put on the tights and stand up.
“Better than seeing bigfoot”
I turn around, and push her jokingly.
I find blue flats in my dresser, and pull them on.
“I’m going to grab my stuff real quick from my house,” Abby says as she walks out of my room.
“Okay!”
It’s about 10 minutes before the bus comes when she comes back.
“Here, take this,” Abby hands me a black side bag.
“What’s this for?” I ask concerningly.
“It’s for when you need to carry stuff without using your backpack.”
I grab pencils, and my sketchbook, and place it inside my side bag. I zip it up.
----
We get on the bus together, and sit down near the front.
Abby pokes me, “Hey did you know Homecoming is next friday?”
“I didn’t actually. Why?” I inquired.
“Oh, no reason.” She winked at me.
“What did you do?” I eyed her.
“I may--- have put you in the ballot for homecoming princess…”
“You can’t be serious Abby. Nobody will vote for me. Nobody wants a transgirl to be homecoming princess,” My anxiety sprang up; I felt like vomiting knowing this now.
“I’m sorry Gab, I felt like you had the chance to be chosen. If you don’t want to, I can easily request your name to be removed,” She attempted to hug me.
I accepted her hug half heartedly. My friend did something major for me without asking me, and for once, I was kind of okay with it.
I walk into homeroom to find that there’s a couple people waiting for me.
“Do you really think you can get homecoming princess?” Someone from the group of people ask me.
“I didn’t even apply for it though…” I say, trailing off.
“Sure you didn’t,” A girl says as she steps from the group.
“Who are you?” The question slips out without me thinking.
“I’m your cousin, do you seriously not remember? We met last summer,” She eyes me, then walks over towards me, and pulls out her phone. She shows me a picture of us.
“A-Amy?” I stutter, attempting to remember her.
“Yeah, it’s me. What’s up with you?” She gives me this ugly look.
“It’s just I don’t really remember last summer. It was full of painful times…” My anxiety suddenly hits my stomach, I feel like vomiting. I run off from the group.
“Where are you going!?” I hear Amy call down the hallway.
I end up in the bathroom, I run into a stall and lock the door.
“Why did I do that?...” I repeat to myself softly.
I hear footsteps outside the stall.
“Gabrielle are you in here?” I hear someone say.
My mouth apparently decided this was a good time to make a squeak.
Amy knocks on the stall, and looks through the crack between the door.
“I didn’t mean to remind you of last summer. I’m really sorry.”
I stand up, unlock the stall, and walk out.
Amy reaches out and grabs my right shoulder, “You okay?”
“I think I am…”
She hugs me, I don’t know why, but I accept it. Amy then brushes off the bottom of my dress and pulls it down a little.
“It was a little high. I don’t think you want anyone seeing under,” She giggles.
“I guess so... What, did you see under?” I look at her, embarrassed.
“Considering you were running down the hall, yeah…” Her face reddens a bit.
Amy walks out and waits for me to follow. We walk back to class.
“Where’d she go?” One of the girls asks,
“We had to talk about something,” Amy says back and nudges me a bit.
“Yeah, we’re fine. I just needed to get something out of my head,” I say in a monotone voice.
Amy introduces me to the group.
“These three are Anna, Jolie, and Kellie,” She moves her arm to motion to who each one is.
“Hi!” “Yo,” “Hey,” they all say in unison.
“Hi, I’m Gabrielle,” I say quietly.
“Yeah, this is Gabrielle,” Amy says smiling.
I smile and walk off to the corner and hang out until lunch.
The bell finally rings and I walk to lunch. I find Abby and drag her out into the hall.
“Apparently my cousin is here,” I say worriedly.
“You can’t be serious,” Abby scoffs.
“Yeah, and she even mentioned last summer…”
“Okay, Gabrielle, I know we’ve been friends since 3rd grade, but you still haven’t told me what all happened last summer,” Abby acts as if he deserves to know.
---
“Come here I slap you!” My dad’s yelling at me.
We’re running through the house, I have tears running down my face, and my dad is angry.
I end up in my room, I shut the door quickly and lean against it.
“You better talk to me, now,” I hear him say, he sounds serious.
“But you’re going to hit me! Why would I come out?” I say while shaking.
“I’m not going to hit you if you come out and talk. Why did you go to school like that!?”
I stand up, open the door, and look him in the eye. I’m still shaking a bit.
“Because I’m your daughter, not your son,” I say square to his face.
His face explodes, all I see is anger in his eyes. The next thing I know I was in the hospital with a fractured arm.
---
Abby leans into me, “You’re serious? Is that why he doesn’t live with you anymore?”
“Yeah, my mom straight up divorced him and took custody of me,” I say, shaking a bit from the memory.
“That sucks,” I hear in a disgusted tone.
I look around and find Amy standing nearby looking at me.
“What?” I say, confused.
“I said, that sucks,”
Abby walks in front of me, almost if she’s guarding me.
“Back off,” I hear Abby say, in a defensive way.
“Why? So I can’t talk to my cousin? Jeez. I just want to talk to her,” Amy scoffs.
“Abby, hold on,” I squeak.
Abby looks at me, and moves from in front of me.
Amy walks closer, and looks at Abby with a deep glare, then looks at me.
“Look, I didn’t mean to mention it. It was a complete accident,” Amy says to me, looking at Abby briefly, then at me.
“Just like you were,” Abby says straight to her face.
Amy looks at Abby dumbfounded and walks off.
“Abby, did you seriously just do that?”
“What else did you want me to do? It was obvious she was going to do something stupid she was going to regret,” Abby says, then sighs.
The bell rings, it’s time for next period.
---
I’m finally finished for the day, I grab my side-bag and backpack, and head into the hallway. The first person I see is Abby, she looks sad and depressed.
“Abby! What’s wrong?” I ask her quickly, motioning for a walk and talk.
She looks at me, and her face lights up a bit. She stops leaning on the wall and walks with me.
“Hey, what’s going on? You are never that sad,” I ask her.
"They're gone..."
"Who is?" I stop walking, and look her in the eyes. They seem to be full of tears that are about to drop.
"My parents..." Abby says to me in a saddened tone. She just throws her face into my shoulder, I almost tip backwards but I keep my balance. I just put my arms around her and hug her tight.
Abby attempts to push me from her, I let her go. She nods to me and we start walking towards the bus. We get on our bus and take a seat near the front, I’m trying to keep people from seeing Abby’s tears.
As soon as we get to our stop, my mom’s waiting in her car. We get off the bus and walk over.
“Is she handling it?” My moms asks as we climb in.
“I think? All I’ve heard and seen is crying,” I say, helping Abby to her seat.
“I’m okay… I think,” I hear from a quiet voice. My mom and I look straight at Abby and feel relieved.
My mom drives us down the street to my house, we get out and go in. Abby opens my door, drops her stuff on the floor and flops on my bed.
“Do you want anything” I ask her sarcastically.
“I mean, considering I feel like poop, can I have some food?” Abby says through the pillow.
“Sure,” I threw another pillow onto her and walked to the kitchen.
I grab some crackers from the cupboard and walk back. The next thing I see is Abby staring me down, her dress is on the floor, folded in a neat way, all she’s wearing is her underwear and shorts.
“Am I supposed to be seeing this?” I ask her quickly.
“Considering that you’ll look like this some day, I could care less if you do or not,” Abby sounds nonchalant as she says that.
“I mean, do you need something to sleep in?” I say, as I motion with my head to the drawer.
Abby gets up, opens the drawer and pulls out a nightgown, it’s blue and has a lace trim on the arms and bottom.
“Are you serious?...” Abby giggles a bit, She puts it on and crawls back into my bed.
“Join me if you want, I’m safe.”
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Lyriati
