Wish granted. The Government sees you as an alien and uses you as a test subject until you die.

I wish people could make up their minds

Wish granted... Wait.... No it's not... Wait.... Yes it is! Wait.... No, it's not!

I wish I had superpowers!

Wish granted. You get the dumbest powers in the world and cannot turn them off. When you fly, it is only because the amount of diarrhea flowing from your body has created enough pressure to boost you off the ground.

I wish Charlie wouldn't spam the forums. I am number one spammer

Wish granted, but you get kicked out of the clan for spamming.

I wish I had a wizard wand!

Wish granted but you go to hell for Witchcraft.

I wish I lived forever.

Wish granted, but you get really old and bored of life and you can't suicide

I wish for a better phone.

Wish granted, you dropped it. (classic)

I wish for a crappy TV =3

Wish granted, but it's so crappy that it breaks.

I wish I had Terraria.

Wish granted, weeks later, it is discovered that Terraria is actually the worlds most advanced computer virus and it completely destroys your system.

I wish dis mess wuz sorted outt

Wish granted, the mess is sorted but you become bored without the mess to distract you from how intensely awful your life is.

I wish I could play guitar.... ):