So my cat passed away early this morning. He was recently diagnosed with Feline Leukemia and although he hadn't shown many symptoms I have know for a while that he has not been feeling 100%. I got home from a 14 hour work shift to find him gasping for air and writhing around on the floor. I immediately grabbed him and jumped in my car, only to realize the closest 24 hour vet was almost 30 miles away. I had him on my lap as I drove way too fast, half watching the road and half watching the color drain from his face as he turned blue. I managed to give him CPR for the last 10 miles of the drive, keeping him conscious but by no means healthy. I spent the next 7 hours watching him struggle to breathe in an oxygen tent, hooked up to a catheter, waiting to get results and what my options were. This was one of the most painful things I have ever experienced, seeing someone you love in immense pain and being totally unable to alleviate it. At 4 am I had to call it quits, I couldn't stand to see him in such pain and I knew he was ready to move on and say goodbye. I held his paws and kissed his head as the needle went into the catheter. As I felt his paws go limp and his head slouch down I immediately was overwhelmed with sadness, regret, grief, and loneliness.

I called off of work today and drove his body to his favorite camping spot in a national park. I spent the past 10 hours building and tending a funeral pyre, all the while going back and forth between tears and smiles as I remembered how much he has done for me in six years I have owned him. Cremating him was a grueling, hot, and intense experience but most importantly it helped me deal with my grief in a natural and cathartic way. Although I already miss him lots and am still upset, more then anything I am grateful for the time I have been able to spend with him and the ability to send him to the great beyond with the respect and honor he deserves. He may have just been a cat, but he was human enough to be of great comfort and joy to me. Rip paul, may the rivers flow with fancy feast wherever you are

Ohhh sweetie.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
I teared up just reading this.
There is no doubt in my mind your kitty knew how much you loved him.
Stay strong darling <3

If you wanna talk, just msg me. I know how it is to lose someone.

I feel your pain man.. My pet rat just passed away like 10 min ago. Just dug her a grave.
sending positive vibes your way man