This is just a little something I wrote, it's the most serious thing I've written on here lol I know there might be mistakes but idfc. WOOP WOOP FINALLY 21 BITCHESSS!


“What have I learned in my 21 years of living?”, I asked myself this question this week. What have I learned? I’m going to tell you now that I haven’t learned to deal with pain, but I have learned to accept that. I've accepted the fact that I might never be able to handle dealing with negative past, present and future experiences. I've learned that I’m unable to hide my daily struggles of mood changes, depression and anxiety. In these 21 years I've hid my feelings because letting people see me upset isn't going to bring back people that have passed away, isn’t going to reconnect myself to friendships that I thought would last a lifetime, and won’t fix the broken relationship with some of my family members. I’m not even sure why i’m writing this now, maybe to show my future self or help someone know that things can get better, but perhaps not for a while and maybe you're still struggling daily like myself.

What most people don't understand about mental illness is that it’s a disorder. Something is physically and mentally wrong with our brains, I don’t see things clearly in my mind or understand things that people without mental illnesses can comprehend and just get over. I can’t sleep most nights because my mind constantly runs and thinks of anything that could go wrong or I constantly worry about everything. I’ll be perfectly fine one second and the next I want to end my life. Even though I had those thoughts and inner voices in my mind telling me to do it making it so much harder, I stuck through it all. For the past couple of years I've been in my room most of the time so scared to make friends because i'm not good at socializing and most of the time they end up not liking me in the end. Growing up like this was hard, people either thought I didn’t like them anymore or I would cry in my room for hours wondering why I was born different,and why didn't anyone ever want to stay my friend.

Now by the age of 16 through now getting a job was the hardest thing for me. I can’t socialize correctly, I’m a slow learner and I have a horrible memory because of seizures that I've had. Honestly who would want to go over that hill of difficulty?! Well 21 marks a good point in my life, I got a job. Working at Applebee's, now it isn’t where I thought i’d be at this point and I might be moving slower than most people my age doing amazing things and going to college. However i’m going at my pace, slow moving isn’t bad especially if you’re having a harder time with fixing yourself. Moving to fix myself wasn’t something I thought I could do, going across country was really hard. I kept everything I felt the day I left to myself, I knew If let my feelings out I wouldn't of been able to do it. I pushed myself to fight back what I was feeling. I guess that's what I had to do with a lot of things but I didn't see it that way. I thought getting a job would put me in a position to be made fun of and make me more stressed out then I already was.

I had to get a job, I have to change my life, I have to put myself in a place where I can potentially move on from everything.To fix and recover from past experiences, to become something instead of hiding in my room and being afraid of everything, but most importantly be generally happy for once. 21 marks the start of my recovery, I’ve learned in my 21 years that If you want happiness you must achieve it. You make the decision to put your mind to helping yourself and taking a step that could potentially help you even if it's the scariest thing you’ll ever do.

Thanks for listening. Stay Strong. Be Happy. Be You.

gwag buy me the alkeeholes

i will always love you™.
welcome to hell i'll be your guide™.
you smell (nice/bad)™.
I am the Leader of the Peaceful Protests in the Jailbreak server.
d a n k m e m e s

deliver me the rum

Ash stole my profile picture so i stole his signiture

Happy Birthday!!! Now you're 21 aye cool cool.

Enjoy it and have the best day of your life. :)

Happy Birthday Gwag Hope you enjoy Being 21 years old Don't drink alcohol too much or you might get yourself arrested xD.

sell alcohol to minors for a quick buck

mmm, no she can literally get black out drunk as she pleases.
nothing illegal about it.

Ash stole my profile picture so i stole his signiture