Hello. As some of you may know, I was in the US Army National Guard. I served in 1 tour of Operation Iraqi Freedom and was in a combat zone. I was only 17 when I joined and deployed when I was 18. I came back all sorts of fucked up and got medically discharged in 2013. I have been in several mental wards and been baker acted over 10 times in Florida from 2013 to 2017. I have major depression and schizo affective. I have hallucinations sometimes and have even drove over 30 miles hallucinating the whole time without crashing. I have had problems like that getting lost while driving, spacing out, etc. Anyway, I have a hard time meshing with civilians and I am part of several veteran organizations like Team RWB, Wounded Warrior Project, etc. I feel embarrassed when people ask me what I do day to day, if I have a job, etc. I am a 100 percent disabled veteran and I get paid due to my disabilities I got from being in the Army. I have a very high paranoia level and even when I am out in public with friends and family, sometimes I am just not all there. I have friends who say I am a good person but the thoughts I have in my head make me think differently. I used to be a very big asshole and it took me a lot longer to develop social skills then a lot of normal people. I just wanted to share that because I have tried to take my life twice but didn't go through with it all. (One time in the first mental ward I got a pair of scissors and tried to cut my neck and one time in recent years I took the pencils they have in the mental ward here and stuck them up my neck). Living with major depression and schizo affective takes a lot out of me but I wanted people to know that I am a survivor. I have a heart of gold and I try my best to improve the lives of others in Team RWB and WWP, etc. This is all I felt like sharing.

Hey man. Dunno how many others can relate to you hear, but minus the army stuff it sounds like you took a chapter right outta my book. I've got the schizoaffective-hallucinations-and depression fun times aswell, and I can't imagine having war memories and hallucinations mixed in with all that crap. If you ever wanna talk to someone, I've got your back. As I'm sure everyone else in the clan does. Take it easy, man.

Life sucks and then you die. So why not try and enjoy the time you've got here?

I see things not as black or white, but instead what comes between.
Because pure bad comes from a nightmare, and pure good from a dream.
So when someone asks the question, "Hey, how was your day?"
I miss not a beat and, quick on my feet, say "Just another shade of grey."

"Nothing is a promise. But a promise is everything." - Eaglebby

It sucks.

Dang, i have a friend that was in the similar position. Maybe not as severe, but he came back last year after being deployed and now he's medically discharged(?) but yea, he's attends the college i go to but doesn't like to talk about anything related to to the military. Not sure if it's because he can't or he can't. But yea that's definitely a shitty thing to deal with, especially at 18. Just do something productive to take the ease off!

That's rough. The late teens are when most mental illnesses rear their ugly heads, combine that with the stressful environment of the military and you have a recipe for disaster.

Glad you're still with us, though, hit me up if you wanna chat or play vidya games.

Shit, but thank you for sharing your story Sarge, particularly the last couple of sentences. Though, I wouldn't be embarrassed about my employment status if I was in your position. You served your country, if other people don't respect that then you should pity them, they have to live with such a lack of empathy. You sacrificed a hell of a lot to protect your country and I'm aware that combat like the kind you saw almost always leaves an indelible mark on the person. I'm sure others understand this too, your situation and your mental health issues are certainly not anything to be embarrassed about - I've been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and a social phobia, I've received therapy for this and the depression that came with it and I feel no shame cause it's an illness just like any kind of physical ailment - so many of us are fighting our own little private battles.

You're the man, Sarge. No matter what anyone thinks or what you think they think. You're the fuckin' man

Older generations had the same problems so I do not feel like I am special or unique but I am just glad I am not the only one who feels the things I feel and has seen the things I've have seen.

I am glad to still be here as well. :)

That sunflower is my unit patch from the Kansas Army National Guard. It's very symbolic and has a lot of meaning.