Y'ever had one of those things where you recover from a kinda meh / sad bit of your life and get back up on your feet
But it feels like the ice is still on the bottom of your shoes
And a single misstep will send you plummeting again?

You have a ton of shit going right, but you still feel like you're in a bit of a rut?
Like, you don't know if you made the right decision, even if you're happy?
Fuck man, I don't know. I'm just kinda confused on how I'm supposed to feel.

I know I should feel good about myself and stabilized. But my paranoid, schizoaffective, hallucinogenic ass cannot help but worry that something is gonna go wrong.
And it doesn't help that one of my friends says that she has a really bad gut feeling about a relationship with someone that I'd been really crushing on for a while.
It was a really wholesome, loving feeling and she made me question it. I did my usual thing of overthinking the fuck out of it. I'm still confident about the two of us and I'm really glad about the fact that we're together (and kinda still in shock over the fact that she said yes like ohmygodohmygoooood), but there's that little fuckin voice in the back of my head.
That voice that wants to see me fail at every goddamn turn. The voice I use as motivation to do things that it/me thinks I can't do.
But mother fucking sonova goddamn bitch it bothers me to no end. I want to get rid of this shit.
I turn to weed, cigs, alcohol, meditation, exercise, whatever and nothing gets rid of it.
I. Fucking. Hate. Living. Like. This.

Life sucks and then you die. So why not try and enjoy the time you've got here?

I see things not as black or white, but instead what comes between.
Because pure bad comes from a nightmare, and pure good from a dream.
So when someone asks the question, "Hey, how was your day?"
I miss not a beat and, quick on my feet, say "Just another shade of grey."

"Nothing is a promise. But a promise is everything." - Eaglebby

Little river <3

Honestly, im just now starting to realize that i dont need to give a fuck, I used to have HEAVY Self confidence issues which im just now getting over, ( im actually not that big) Take some time for yourself to calm down and just let the thoughts die down, i also have severe anxiety (which is diagnosed) and i feel ya.





(P.S. Congrats on the Girl <3

Go lift

The problem is I can't just 'let the thoughts die down' cuz I have a little thing called being "schizoaffective". Kinda like regular schizo but kinda mixed with bipolar bs.
So when my mood swings like crazy, I start hearing shit. .-.

Life sucks and then you die. So why not try and enjoy the time you've got here?

I see things not as black or white, but instead what comes between.
Because pure bad comes from a nightmare, and pure good from a dream.
So when someone asks the question, "Hey, how was your day?"
I miss not a beat and, quick on my feet, say "Just another shade of grey."

"Nothing is a promise. But a promise is everything." - Eaglebby

Yo dude, I have some mild Psychosis as well, and I do suffer from Schizo symptoms, like occasional voices that I think are in reality, not exactly disembodied. I fear that people are watching me and honestly my issues really fuck up my trust with close friends and family.

The best thing to do is talk to people you love and trust. It's hard for me to do and I like to work out my issues on my own, but it can be hard. You can talk to me anytime you need, as I'm sure I might be one of the few people here that actually understand your condition.

It'll all be good man, just breathe and stay strong. Exercise every day, get your sleep schedule to be up in the morning, sleep at night. Work out when you can, try to do pushups, squats, planks when you wake up. Eat a healthy breakfast ( i like to make sunny side up eggs in a circle cut toast and cook them together with turkey slices toasted and melted cheese.)

Look up negative self-talk, it might be of some help to you.

A good exercise is to judge your thoughts too. If one strikes you as being negative try to counter it with a positive alternative. "This went badly last time" could be "Who knows how it will go this time, there's only one way to find out". So even though you're experiencing this "fear" right now Spike, think that this girl you're dating could be the one, that you could marry her one day. Who knows for sure, right? That voice in your head actually, genuinely, scientifically-speaking, knows absolutely nothing. ^^

In anxiety treatment, you learn breathing techniques to counter your fight or flight. Breath in for four seconds, hold for two seconds, breath out for four seconds and repeat. Just like when you go running breath in through both mouth and nose. Give this a shot, it won't do any harm to your oxygen consumption so there's nothing to lose by trying it when you feel shit and need to get your house in order. You might find that it calms you down, I do. *shrugs*

And always remember Spike, up to this point you have survived 100% of your worst days. :)


Not to rain on your parade, and I know this approach works for some, but in the cases of genuine mental disorders please seek professional help instead of talking to your friends about your issues. They may have the best intentions but unless they're trained in some form of psychotherapy they will be of little assistance beyond basic moral support. I say this not to pass judgment on you Sunbro, but because getting professional help feels now like the best decision I have ever made in my life. :)